I bought shoes today *Perk of being divorced and single*

 

When I say I bought shoes today, what I really mean is I bought 4 pairs of shoes today.

Did I need 4 pairs of shoes? Negative but that's really besides the point. The point is, that I can buy 4 pairs of shoes if I want to.

You are probably thinking anyone can if they got the cash. False. Lets step into the probably worn out, 2 year old, hole in the toe flats the twenty something married woman is probably wearing. The scenario would probably play out a little something like this . . .

Lets assume twenty something year old wife goes shopping and buys 4 new pairs of shoes. She comes home puts her beautiful new pumps and wedges on a shelf were she can easily see them and smile, then stacks the shoe boxes by the door. Shes feeling pretty good right now.

Husband comes home, sees stacks of shoe boxes and given my experience the following conversation begins to flow;

Husband: Really . . . you bought 4 pairs of shoes? Do you really even need all those? Can we even afford that?

The wife  then begins feeling guilty, how dare she think of herself! They cant afford. If it were my marriage it would be because the husband bought two new pairs of shoes for himself last week, and they are already living paycheck to paycheck. So to answer his questions . . .

Wife: Yes, I did. No I suppose I don't. No we can't. I will return them. I am sorry, I wasn't thinking.

Now lets step into my divorced, single, twenty something year old with two kids shoes. First lets choose which pair I have on . . . one of my 8 pairs of boots (because boots are NOT all the same) . . . one of my fabulous pairs of pumps . . .  oh I know!! Lets step into my high heeled, peep toe, black booties . . . so cute!


As I am strolling fabulously in my high heeled, peep toe, black booties, I see a sale at Cathy Jean (lets point out there is always a sale at Cathy Jean, So I LOVE) and after trying on multiple pairs of shoes I find 4 I am dying to own, and so the questions arise.


Really . . . 4 pairs of shoes?     Uuummmm YES! Look at these!!


Do you really even need all of those? Need . . . No, want . . . yes


Can I afford these? Thanks to Dave Ramsey and no husband, YUP!!


There once was a time when even looking in the direction of something for myself made me feel guilty. It is SO freeing to not have to answer to anyone but myself (and possibly my bank account). 


#Shoefreedom
#lovingmyself
#IcanandIwill

Kindergarten Crazy

Lesbi-honest! No body likes watching their tiny human start their first day of kindergarten, after kindergarten though, yes please send them to school.

Kindergarten Orientation was a joke, and our first day of Kindergarten experience was just horrifying.

The previous spring we attended a kindergarten orientation. Kids played while the parents sat in a classroom with one of the kindergarten teachers. I wont lie, I am a judger. I was judging this entire time.

As the teacher went over the things they would learn and need to know by the end of kindergarten, my eyes got a little squinty and my skepticism was on high alert. My son attended a private Christian preschool for two years prior to this. So he knows his letters, ABC's, how to spell and write his name, and is learning to read by sounding out words. At the end of preschool I thought great he will be ready for kindergarten. After listening to this woman talk at orientation, I thought great so we are skipping to the second grade! But that's public school I guess.

So this lady went over some things to do during the summer that will prepare our children for the things they will learn in kindergarten. (I was happy to learn my summer would be free of teaching). She pulled out magnet letters and spelt the name Cameron on the board. She then proceeded to go through every single letter pulling it down and repeating the letter again. This was to help our kids learn the letters. This was a great tactic, for a 5 year old, however I am not 5 I caught on after the C. So I began scanning the room at this point, looking at (judging) the others around me. This was a joke right?  Her examples were all like this, I get you are a kindergarten teacher, but seriously lady, I am a big girl now.

Now moving to a week before school starts. I got a letter in the mail introducing the new principal and saying how I would get my sons teacher name and classroom information in the mail in a day or two. I thought perfect, and please don't give him the lady from orientation. She just really bothered me.

Day before school starts, still no mail

First day of school. I call the office, and explain that I did not receive my sons class info in the mail. They secretary asked me what I meant.  . . . how else do you explain that . . . so I said I got a letter telling me it would come in the mail, it did not come in the mail, therefore I do not know where my child needs to go this morning. Now mind you I gave her my name only when I called not my child's, but since it is such a small town school I didn't question her when she told me what class he was in. I should have questioned, she was an idiot, that was my bad.

Off to kindergarten we go with my little man looking all cute as a button! I follow the arrows to said teachers classroom, grab the papers I was supposed to fill out and grab a seat. My son is a bit shy around new people so he was doing his shy shoulder shrug twitch he does and I observed (judged) my surrounds. Guess who the teacher was????? Gah it would be the Cameron spelling lady!

She began talking in short sentences, and then an interpreter repeated, Literally every word. Not that speaking Spanish is bad but my first thought was ok so my son is going to learn Spanish in kindergarten and nothing else, because this took FOREVER! It wouldn't be bad if he did learn Spanish, but I don't speak Spanish and if my son is getting lippy with me in another language, I am going be pissed. My brain immediately went to private school mode, $350 a month is only $150 more a month than I was paying the last two years. I thought their dad doesn't do shit, doesn't pay shit, I'm going after him for child support, my mind was sprinting. While I appreciate these guys accommodating the class, my kids can learn Spanish from Dora on their free time, they need to be learning school stuff at school.

Eventually these little high school girls started handing out packets with our children's names on them. Only mine was not there. So now I am officially annoyed, I was annoyed before, now it was official! So then they finally in between hello and hola get the teacher who says no I don't have him on my class roster. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!! She then let me know the teeny boppers would lead me to where I needed to go. They were idiots too and ZERO help. So I smiled and laughed a this is F***ing ridiculous laugh, and left the room. Seriously this is kindergarten and we cant figure it out, I am a little worried now about even lunch time. Heaven forbid we go outside on recess we will lose half the class.

In the hall I flagged down a person who had some job there, she held a school clipboard so she must have been official. She explained how two teachers have almost the same name. Ekstrom, and Elstrom. And how they have been getting them mixed up. So . . . we are aware this is an issue? maybe I don't know we would have found a means to work on that a bit huh?

Once we were finally directed to the right class, I began feeling better. There was no interpreter repeating every word. He was on the roster, and with the teacher I met on the kinder camp day that I did like. They were immediately learning and finding letters as well. So as we got settled, and it began time for the parents to start departing.

The kids did this little thing, took a drink of water, hugged the parentals, and then said goodbye. Well Mr. Shy was not so shy at this point so he half hugged me and turned to leave. I told him it was ok to be a little sad . . .Ill see you soon . . . Marcus . . . Ill just stand here a little longer . . .k buddy? They guy next to me was laughing at this point (he was a judger). My son did not acknowledge any of the above said things. I just thought he should have been a little more sad that I was leaving him there with complete strangers, that's all. I did stand there a few more minute  . . . I'm a mom . . . I'm allowed a weepy mom card.

First day of Kindergarten. I'm skipping it with the next child.

When Life Kicks You the Hardest

We have all heard the saying that mentions getting kicked while you are down yeah? And how bad things happen in threes?

Well lets talk about life, and it taking the cheap shots!

Breakups are hard on any day, especially if you love the person you know you have to let go, especially if they were supposed to be it, the one, the be all and end all. Just kill me right there, lord knows 2 weeks of no sleep and having lost 7 pounds, life is working on it. Thank you at least to the pharmaceutical company that put out Unisom! At last after 2 weeks a nights sleep free from nightmares and endless tossing and turning.

What fun would it be if life only watched us ache through an already excruciatingly painful breakup? No fun so lets add to it.

Hey one of my best guy friends of 10 years who I see every 6 months when you come to town and visit. We have great conversations about absolutely nothing and you can always put a smile back on my face. You know friend I am going through a rough time right now, I was thinking I might come and visit you, plan some of our usually crazy shenanigans that leave us in horrible situations that are always fun to retell later. Oh what is that? You are seeing someone now? She wouldn't like it if I came there, but you can come here and hang out? How queer, but ok I guess I understand. Oh and now you can barely talk to me, ok. THANKS FRIEND!

Goodbye Boyfriend whom I miss EVERY FREAKING MINUTE. Goodbye best friend whom I needed to help quell the ache, and have as a means of escape from the every memory of a man I cant be with. But no no life please don't stop there, bad things come in 3 remember?

Lastly big number 3! Goodbye Dad. If you didn't cause enough hurt in my life you really timed this one right to finish the job. My biggest thanks next to not letting mom name me Rebecca is for teaching me what it feels like to go completely  numb, to feel absolutely nothing when everything just shattered in my face. That's not sarcasm though. Life at least knows I don't have time to break, that I have 2 tiny people that depend on me, I especially don't have time to re-glue all the pieces back together so numb works for me. I don't blame you dad for being the way you were, drugs and alcohol were to blame for that. I blame you for not being stronger than them though, for letting them allow you to not be a father to your daughter. For not teaching me what to look for, and for not protecting me when I made the wrong choice. Dying on my ex-anniversary really hit the nail on the head for me that week dad. I knew you were going, I just didn't know I would care as much as I did when you went. Sadly your son is turning out just like you. The memorial he planned for you was real classy, and that father was sarcasm. Your son was drunk when I got there, and mind you I was early, and the whole time he didn't even put on a shirt, and I thought I had daddy issues. R.I.P Daddy, I hope you find the peace the drugs wouldn't allow you to find here.

Lets give life an extra thank you for throwing in one last jab after all that above happened. Running into the now ex-boyfriend after the worst memorial service of my life was the cherry on the sundae, the shocked horror on his face at seeing me would have completely shattered me if I wasn't already so completely numb. Should have just added a curb stomp outside the bar and put me out of my misery, again though what fun would that be?

All in all life you beat me up pretty well, but have you met me? I thank you for that 7 pound weight loss, all I really needed was about 5, and now my skinny jeans just look extra great on the back side. Also I appreciate eating absolute crap like chocolate donuts and milk, a Qdoba burrito AND salad in one sitting, as well as the countless candy bars I cant stop craving right now, and still losing weight. I will always come back swinging.

Dear Dough Boy

When I think of the Pillsbury dough boy, I don't think Woo-hoo like some may. I get a little terrorized by the thought, but I have a deep love for the flaky layering goodness of his fluffy biscuits and sweet Cinnabon touch to his cinnamon rolls that I still choose to face that terror. Terror you ask?

Uh yeah! I first get a little anxious just grabbing the roll they are packaged in, worried it may unexpectedly burst while in transportation from fridge to counter. After slowly peeling the paper with ease avoiding any unnecessary movement I grab the spoon that's required for opening.

Think of the movie elf when he is winding the jack in the boxes. I have an irrational fear that the second I pop it open it will not just open, but completely explode into my face, possibly sending shrapnel from the metal end. I try every time to prepare myself looking over my shoulder as I push the spoon down, waiting for the pop, but it gets me every time and I never fail to gasp and/or jump.

So dear Mr. Dough Boy, your cuteness and round belly don't fool me, but I will keep coming back for more.

Dating . . . Who needs it.

I have been married once, and as you can tell from the name of my blog it didn't make it through the test of time. Or to be quite frank it was a complete fail. Starting all over is awful, really really awful! Dating is the worst at least in my opinion. While I enjoy a good meal and good company, as a single parent who has time to go out with different people over and over comparing interests. Certainly not I, nor do I want to.

Lets be honest, dating its awkward. Do I wait for him to open up my car door or do boys even do that anymore? If you are crossing the street and they put their hand slightly on your back as if to guide you, what is that. . . I am a big girl I have crossed a street before. Then of course at the end of the night when they move in for a kiss, ummmmm just because you took me to dinner doesn't earn you the right to try to shove your tongue down my throat. Then the awkward "hey I can I call you later" or "Lets do this again sometime" I may not want to do it again anytime. Unfortunately I tend to be too nice which in return gives the wrong signal. I would much rather just avoid all the above.

As for now I have called it quits on the whole relationship thing. I have come to learn that at the tender age of 25 realistically most others my age are not starting a family, where as I already have one. Men my age want to travel around with buddies, go to sporting events, and not feel tied down to responsibilities at home. Men my age are usually still in the bachelor stage and not so interested in becoming an insta dad, and it would not be fair of me to ask them to

However a girl can still dream :) One day I plan on having a fairytale romance that ends in us living happily ever after in my very cozy ranch style country home. Re-marriage . . . meh. I did the white dress thing, and it was kinda a let down. However that doesn't mean its completely out of the question, or that I want to spend my life alone. Until I can figure out what I want and more important what I need. I suggest all single parents ponder those things as well, because with children you cant mess around, its a matter of wanting it or not. If a relationship doesn't work out for a single parent the parent is not the only one who gets hurt the kids may too. I strongly believe if within 6 months you cant see yourself marrying that person one day, cut the cord and move on, any further attachments are a waste of both your time.

So until I meet that fairy tale man, I have slowly been compiling a list of criteria he must meet. Don't laugh now these things are important.

1. The Vertical Limit

Dating a shorter man than yourself is not bad unless like me you love high heels, so I need a guy who is still taller than me when I am wearing them. Looking down on my date is kinda awkward in my opinion, its one of those things I didn't know was important to me until I found myself in that situation where I felt uncomfortable wearing them.

2. The 5 year limit.

I want someone older than myself, but I am not looking for someone who looks like they could be my father. However if Richard Gere wanted to take me to dinner, you wont find me saying no. Pretty Woman sold me.

3. The J.O.B
The J.O.B gotta have it! I don't need a man who makes an insane amount of money because money does not mean much to me, I can take care of myself, but I do need a man who can take care of himself and be able to pay his own bills, also manage his money responsibly is mucho important!!!!

4. Living arrangements

Just because I live with my mother does not mean the man I date can. I live with my mother for the extra support system for my children, but that's just a temporary not an until I'm 40 just because.

5. Transportation

I am not a taxi cab for any man. I am already a designated driver for two until my tiny humans learn to drive themselves. I don't want to drive any man around on top of that. Also with that J.O.B he's gotta be paying for his own insurance.

6. Communication

I dont talk just to hear myself speak, well most the time. So talking back = good.

MOST IMPORTANT

7. Gotta Want it

I am part of a family unit. Me +2, its all or nothing, you settle with me or go play without me. Trying is not an option if a man cannot be sure he wants a family in that moment he wants to date you, don't waste your time. Don't take time away from your tiny humans for someone who is not sure, because they need you more.

8. Open Position

The father/husband role is the open position in my family, this goes with point 7, if they are still not sure of that position after 6 months, move on.

It is kind of a lot, which is why I say a girl can dream. Also because I found my McDreamy who was everything I wanted except he was missing one part, which turned into the most important part. Walking away from that was no easy task so easier to avoid it all together. So while your list may seem silly or far fetched to some, if its important to you stick to your guns.

Patience is the worst, right next to dating.

Your Boss Don't Care

As a single parent being a stay at home mom is not an option unless you are some sort of celebrity with millions in the bank. The 40hr or even 40+hr work week is not uncommon for the single parent, especially if the other parent does not provide their required support.

If you are lucky your place of business will have permanent hours that will provide you with a  routine work schedule to make finding a sitter easier. A close friend of mine works at a place like that, they also adore her so they work with her amazingly so that her and her daughters needs are both met.

Not everyone can be so lucky. This I have learned. I love my job, however one of the downfalls is a constantly changing work schedule. Every week I work different days and different times. I myself am blessed to have my mother as my full time nanny and since I also live in the same house it is more convenient for me to work the random schedules I work.

There are some very important things I have learned along the way once I started working as a single parent. If you step into this situation these are good things to know!

1. Your bosses don't care.
       While they may say they do ( and they may grow to if you earn that respect) if you are a new employee, realistically they don't care. So don't be fooled. Keep whatever problems you have with a babysitter or a sick child to yourself, don't expect their help or understanding, that's not their job, and you just do what you have to do.

2. Don't try to make them understand
      If your boss does not have a child then they don't understand how hard it really is being away from them as much as you are when you work a lot. While they say they understand, and some may try to because sometimes its hard leaving their dog, or significant other at home, lets be honest, the dog and significant other can take care of themselves for 8 hours. Child services wont understand you leaving your kids home alone, even if you compare them to your bosses dog. So Again just do what you have to do. Leave it at the door before clocking in.

3. Deal with it
    I don't bring my sick children or babysitter troubles to work, because of point 1 and 2. I handle it myself without the subject ever being brought to attention at work. Doing so makes you look more reliable as an employee and in return when an emergency turns up that does affect work your boss is more flexible to work with you. So don't use the my kid is sick excuse every time you oversleep. Your boss is not there to help you deal with your children, they are running a business. Deal with it.

Understanding these things makes the work place better for you in the long run. This I know from experience. In my 90 day review with my boss she said she forgets I have children sometimes, simply because I don't talk about them or issues with them at work. The people I work closest with at my job have no children, therefore I don't share to much personal things that happen with my children.  However because I don't bring the issues with them to work constantly my boss is understanding of times when I cannot avoid it. For example when my mother is unavailable I have a back up sitter. On weekends my back up sitter charges double, with two children to go to work I end up losing money. My boss has recently pulled me aside and let me know that in situations like that when I am needed at work I should come directly to her because she wants to be able to help out with those situations. I earned her respect as an employee and single parent and in return she now became part of my support system.

He Who Yells the Loudest

Most people have flaws, or things they don't like about themselves. However some people don't like themselves so much that they take out that frustration on others.

Usually you find the negative things people point out about others are because they themselves suffer from it. Calling someone else a bad parent when you yourself are not the best either, or saying the person your ex is with is ugly because you feel rejected. Negativity will make the most attractive person ugly.

So before you start yelling about something, or make a negative comment about another person, take a good look in the mirror at yourself, maybe it is really you who needs to make a change.