Your Boss Don't Care

As a single parent being a stay at home mom is not an option unless you are some sort of celebrity with millions in the bank. The 40hr or even 40+hr work week is not uncommon for the single parent, especially if the other parent does not provide their required support.

If you are lucky your place of business will have permanent hours that will provide you with a  routine work schedule to make finding a sitter easier. A close friend of mine works at a place like that, they also adore her so they work with her amazingly so that her and her daughters needs are both met.

Not everyone can be so lucky. This I have learned. I love my job, however one of the downfalls is a constantly changing work schedule. Every week I work different days and different times. I myself am blessed to have my mother as my full time nanny and since I also live in the same house it is more convenient for me to work the random schedules I work.

There are some very important things I have learned along the way once I started working as a single parent. If you step into this situation these are good things to know!

1. Your bosses don't care.
       While they may say they do ( and they may grow to if you earn that respect) if you are a new employee, realistically they don't care. So don't be fooled. Keep whatever problems you have with a babysitter or a sick child to yourself, don't expect their help or understanding, that's not their job, and you just do what you have to do.

2. Don't try to make them understand
      If your boss does not have a child then they don't understand how hard it really is being away from them as much as you are when you work a lot. While they say they understand, and some may try to because sometimes its hard leaving their dog, or significant other at home, lets be honest, the dog and significant other can take care of themselves for 8 hours. Child services wont understand you leaving your kids home alone, even if you compare them to your bosses dog. So Again just do what you have to do. Leave it at the door before clocking in.

3. Deal with it
    I don't bring my sick children or babysitter troubles to work, because of point 1 and 2. I handle it myself without the subject ever being brought to attention at work. Doing so makes you look more reliable as an employee and in return when an emergency turns up that does affect work your boss is more flexible to work with you. So don't use the my kid is sick excuse every time you oversleep. Your boss is not there to help you deal with your children, they are running a business. Deal with it.

Understanding these things makes the work place better for you in the long run. This I know from experience. In my 90 day review with my boss she said she forgets I have children sometimes, simply because I don't talk about them or issues with them at work. The people I work closest with at my job have no children, therefore I don't share to much personal things that happen with my children.  However because I don't bring the issues with them to work constantly my boss is understanding of times when I cannot avoid it. For example when my mother is unavailable I have a back up sitter. On weekends my back up sitter charges double, with two children to go to work I end up losing money. My boss has recently pulled me aside and let me know that in situations like that when I am needed at work I should come directly to her because she wants to be able to help out with those situations. I earned her respect as an employee and single parent and in return she now became part of my support system.

He Who Yells the Loudest

Most people have flaws, or things they don't like about themselves. However some people don't like themselves so much that they take out that frustration on others.

Usually you find the negative things people point out about others are because they themselves suffer from it. Calling someone else a bad parent when you yourself are not the best either, or saying the person your ex is with is ugly because you feel rejected. Negativity will make the most attractive person ugly.

So before you start yelling about something, or make a negative comment about another person, take a good look in the mirror at yourself, maybe it is really you who needs to make a change.

Swim Lessons 101 as A Single Parent

You might think 30 minutes of sitting on the bleachers watching your child sit nicely in the water, following the directions that the swim instructor hands out sounds nice. For many parents it is that way, myself not included.

You have to learn the tricks of the trade to run this night smoothly with my children.

This particular 30 minutes every Tuesday and Thursday night tend to be a tad exhausting for me. Its not just the 30 minute lesson I have to worry about we have to start with prepping for it. At least an hour before the lesson starts I have to begin. I get out our swim bag, then we need to find bathing suits, if I had time to live a more organized life I might know where they are each week, but I don't. Where they go after each swim lesson, I don't know. So yes each time we are finding swim suits. Now 2 towels, 2 water bottles and 2 small snack bags for the ride home (swimming does in fact make you hungry). Flip flops for each child because honestly by yourself with two small children trying to put on socks AND shoes, other single parents will know, enough said. Then pajamas for both children, as well as appropriate attire for the outside weather, fall swim lessons require coats and hats, otherwise you have wet heads catching colds thus creating more work for yourself in the future. If I am on the ball that can all be found in about 30 minutes. Why so long you ask? Single parent+full time job= mom doesn't put laundry away. Then 30 minutes to drive to the pool and change into swim suits.

 Now I will be the first to admit my dear sweet son is a bit over energized. Don't get me wrong, its not an ADHD type of thing, he hears you, and he can sit still, he just chooses not to. I have learned however with the right amount of threats as well as reward possibilities for good behavior I can get him to listen almost the entire 30 minutes now. My daughter is easy in the lesson, teachers favorite and listens well. Which is great since my son is still a bit over enthused in his lesson. Because of his enthusiasm which is what I like to call his crazy behavior, I now take a chair and sit on the side of the pool directly in front of him. The second he starts to get all crazy dunking himself down into the water acting like he knows how to swim instead of just learning, I just have to raise my finger and give him the look, which on most nights works. The nights it doesn't work he is pulled out and sits whith his arms crossed while his sister finishes her lesson. 

Thank goodness that's over right, probably just reading that was exhausting. But we are not finished yet. At this point my son has mellowed but my precious angel is getting a second wind. While dressing my son I am constantly telling her to stop swinging on the bar above the bench, that this locker room is really not a gymnastics practice area. Changing can take up to 15 minutes. Then the jabbering all the way to the car which includes, can I have french fries? can we get hot chocolate? I am thirsty, oh look a playground can we go play? At this point silence is the best way, I just don't acknowledge that they have actually spoken and I then easily avoid argument until we reach the car and load up. At this point snacks and water bottles are given and I have the lovely silence with just a touch of Gardetto crunching the rest of the way home.

Pro Status.

Mommy and Me Gymnastics Just got Real!

Naturally I am a competitive person. I know to stay away from video games because like any teenage boy I could sit there for hours shooting people up until I win the entire war single handedly in Call of Duty, then proudly brag about doing it on the internet. I want to be the best. At sports, at work, at school, in all I do I want to do better then the guy next to me. However my competitiveness sometimes gets the best of me. It’s a hard lesson to learn to let go. I personally get mean. I do get carried away, mostly when I am provoked though. I am going to say it, my poor children I kind of pity them for having me as a mother. I will be that parent screaming at the top of her lungs at sporting events and possibly getting kicked out of games. It may come to my children lying about their games being cancelled one day so I don’t show up. It has already started.

Mommy and Me Gymnastics just got real.

 My daughter is two and I have signed her and myself up for parent child gymnastics. She loves rolling around and swinging from the bar in my closet so I thought this will be a fun way for her to get her energy out. She did it the previous year, which she enjoyed but she was the only one in the class. This year things changed. Day one, three girls including my daughter Brielle were in the class, one was 18 months old just toddling around. The other little girl was three. Upon entering the class waiting to begin I notice the three year old girl had an older sister, probably about 8 waiting to join the next class for older gymnasts. I also noticed her mother and father sitting there. The three year old was in a leotard matching her older sisters, and I thought what? This is baby gymnastics but ok, next week we are stepping it up, the sweatpants were out! Already I was getting competitive. Then class began. As these were small children they had 3 large different colored rubber circles for each student to sit on. I asked my daughter which color she would like and she chose green. She ran over to the green dot and sat while the 3 year old girl and her mother moved to the blue and the baby to the yellow. We did some stretching and warm up exercises which Brielle did so great at the teacher praised her a couple of times (already I was feeling so proud) then the teacher instructed us to start at the beams. The year prior Brielle had took an interest in the bars and proved to do well on it. So she asked me if we could go to the bars. The mother of the 3 year old overheard her ask and looked at me confused then said "oh bar as in over there, not bar as in for beverages" Uh yeah, like I take my two year old to a bar . . . this lady. We went to the beam where we were to start instead. This lady had her little girl walk across the beam clearly she had been doing it before practicing with her sister probably, she did well. As Brielle stepped on the beam she was wobbly and stepped off a few times. The woman looked over at me and said "Maybe she has been at the bar" Really?  Then she asked her daughter to walk across the beam on her tip toes. Ok. Ok. I said lets go to the bars Bri, come on lets go. BOOM my baby has skills too and some serious arm strength at two, wanna show off lady lets show off, mommy and me class just got serious. The teacher then asked the children to find their same colored circle again. Brielle told me hers was green and ran to it. While the other mother proceeded to ask her daughter what color her circle was over and over. She didn’t know, which was fine shes still a baby. So as I walked by I leaned down and sweetly said hi hunny, your dot, its blue.  Then I smiled at her mother and sat nicely behind my child. I can’t wait until next class.